In this week's blog, we were asked to interpret and annotate the podcast What You Don’t Know (Lulu Wang). In this podcast, Lulu struggles with her family’s decision not to tell her Grandmother about her diagnosis of terminal cancer. This is the custom in China, but it goes against Lulu's western beliefs. I will share with you my opinion on the family’s decision, and then I will tell you about a decision I made to lie to protect a loved one.
The Chinese custom of telling the family first about serious health conditions is different than what is done in this country, but it does hold some merit. Often the patients are too ill to process the information and make appropriate medical decisions. This allows the family to break the news to the patient as gently as possible. Like Lulu, I too was shocked when I heard the family’s decision not to tell her grandmother Nainai about her terminal cancer. I felt like that decision was cheating her out of completing unfinished tasks and dreams as well as giving her time to make her final goodbyes. As the story progressed and I learned more about the reasons why the family came to that decision, my opinion changed. When Lulu’s mother explained that Nainai had lied to her husband about his diagnosis of terminal cancer, it showed that Nainai believed in custom of withholding poor prognosis from the patient. The information about her hiding her breast cancer from her family to not distress them, again showed how important it was to Nainai to spare her family hardship. If you look at her past actions, it is evident that Nainai herself would have agreed with the family’s decision not to tell her. I too have had to make the decision not to tell a loved one about an important health diagnosis. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer. If I had a nine-hour whipple surgery, the doctor thought I could gain enough time to see my daughter graduate High School that spring. I was very skeptical with that diagnosis. I have had multiple surgeries in the past to remove suspicious tumors and they had all turned out to be benign. When I voiced my doubts to the doctor, he assured me that the chances of this not being cancer were slim to none. We would have to come up with a plan to attack this cancer and get as much time as possible. Later that night, my daughter Lauren came to visit me in the hospital. She asked if they found out what was wrong with me, and I told her that there was another one of those annoying tumors in a pretty difficult place and the next day I would get a very long and complicated surgery to get it out. It would take a while to recover, but then everything would be fine. Looking back, I think I told her that lie to not only reassure her but to also reassure myself. If I didn’t accept the truth, then it wasn’t real. As it turned out I was right. I had a rare low aggressive form of pancreatic cancer that only 2% of patients get. The surgery removed all of it and I would not need any treatments at that time. The current plan is to watch very closely and if it returns we can attack it then. I feel like the lie I told that night paid off for my daughter and myself.
1 Comment
2/15/2018 08:05:08 am
I agree with your decision to not tell your daughter. I think your situation was a lot like Lulu's grandmother and I think it only helped you and your daughter in the end by not telling her.
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